Today I make the momentous decision to migrate to blogspot, simply becoz I want to. I finally got bored of this xanga which simply doesn't allow me to do as much as blogspot does. I'm in the midst of migrating my archive of articles now, so be patient :)

Come to a better place at http://thespasticraver.blogspot.com/

-EDIT- I have changed the address to http://tiuloh.blogspot.com

Again, my friend Nick and I were having the most incredible conversation ever:

I have this recurring dream of going to a bar late at night, and saying these pickup lines to ladies, who will inevitably be drawn to my unrelenting machismo and charm. See if it works for you:

"I have a large bulge in my pants which I can't explain"

"Can I rub my turgid nipples on your arm?"

"Would you like to suck my tongue?"

"My penis changes color like a chameleon. Wanna see?"

"Let's play Hide-The-Sausage"

"Me, my sausage. You, your poon"

"Me Tarzan, you Jane"

"My balls need air. Care to blow on them for me?"

That's all I can remember for now. Feel free to contribute, and I really do need my testicles hot blown soon.

Women; what the fcuk is wrong with them? Today, while being stationary, a lady hit my car from behind. I was at the Touch and Go top-up lane, and whilst waiting in line like everyone else, this chinese lady jerked her car forward and hit the rear of my car. WTF. The line wasn't moving. What in the fcuk is wrong with women in general? The other time a women made contact with my car is from the front, and while waiting for a car to reserve, the lady in front had to reverse onto my bonnet. When I came out to confront her, check out her response "I hit you meh?"

Ladies, an aircraft has more than 300 different moving parts, and 40 different control items to monitor during takeoff/landing, so why is it so fcuking hard to drive a car properly? All of my car-related incidents have been the work of ladies. Coincidence?

I Don't Fucking Think So

I barely passed my Add Maths, but I am still able to drive around without having my car come into contact with another. Why can't you idiots do the same? I'm gonna write to this politician friend of mine to pass a legislation that requires a copy of the driver's SPM cert to be pasted on the windscreen of his/he car to quantify his/her intellectual capability.

As of right now, I question the relevance of the existence of the female species. They are only good for cooking in the kitchen, providing a breeding solution for your demon spawn, and accessorizing your house as that pretty organic thing that walks around and mops things up. You're female and you feel offended by reading this?

Fcuk off. You feel like paying for the little crack in my bumper? Exactly. Stfu and allow me time to forgive your flawed gender.

I'll make it simple today : A large pack of Grade A cigarettes now cost RM6.50. Fcuk me. Why does the government slowly torture us and make us suffer by slowly hiking up the prices? I mean, who are trying are to kid? They might as well set the price to RM20.99 per large pack. Every frustrated shopkeeper in the country will be fumbling to return you one cent after a purchase, ROFL. Who in the fcuk in their right mind would wanna smoke after that? Asking someone for a stick in a bar would literally take on a whole new meaning.

[Anonymous Whomever] Eh dude, one stick?

[Me] ONE STICK?! How bout you start paying for my child support and get me a gold-plated steering wheel so I can trade it off for cash to pay for my hospital fees?! One stick your head la kanina!

As you can see, this is a particularly disburbing moment in my life. As a result, I'm going to buy only Winstons now, for they cost like RM5.10 or something at the expense of my throat. I'm actually laughing my ass off right now, coz I can imagine my kids one day trying to save money while in school to buy themselves a stick of cigarette. Knowing our government's profound sense of economic scale, by the time my kids reach 18, one pack of large ciggies should cost about the same as a set of text books.