I have this recurring dream of going to a bar late at night, and saying these pickup lines to ladies, who will inevitably be drawn to my unrelenting machismo and charm. See if it works for you:

"I have a large bulge in my pants which I can't explain"

"Can I rub my turgid nipples on your arm?"

"Would you like to suck my tongue?"

"My penis changes color like a chameleon. Wanna see?"

"Let's play Hide-The-Sausage"

"Me, my sausage. You, your poon"

"Me Tarzan, you Jane"

"My balls need air. Care to blow on them for me?"

That's all I can remember for now. Feel free to contribute, and I really do need my testicles hot blown soon.